Last Shot
by MotherTucker
Summary: My take on what's going on in Tucker's mind with all the Tuckson insanity right now. Very short, 2 or 3 shot.
1. Chapter 1

a/n: I know I have a couple other unfinished fics out there, but this was just in my head. It's a two shot, three at most. Obvs based on the limited info we've gotten so far - I never write stuff like this, but part two is already written regardless of Weds outcome. No promises.

* * *

It was late afternoon, and Ed found himself nursing a glass of bourbon at one of his frequent hang outs He didn't want to pressure Liv. Pushing Benson was never a good idea. He couldn't believe she was so willing to give up on them. At least that's what it felt like recently.

Olivia had actually seemed annoyed that he'd stopped by the precinct earlier that day. He didn't know how they'd gotten to this point. Just a few short months ago, they'd taken Noah to Paris, and he really felt like they were becoming a family.

Then just a few weeks ago, she'd said she was happier than she'd ever been. She'd even cried over the prospect of things not working out. She'd made time for him. For them.

So how did they find themselves here? He knew she was still struggling with Dodd's death. Then having to shoot a former cop to save Carisi took a toll. Unlike the beginning of their relationship when difficult cases brought them closer, lately the cases just seemed to be pulling her away from him.

"Tucker, you want another one?" Mick, the regular bartender asked. It was just early enough that the regular happy hour crowd wasn't there yet, so Ed was one of only a handful of patrons sitting at the large bar.

Ed didn't even realize he'd finished the first one, but he just gave a slight nod anyway. One more, and then he was heading home. Mick didn't bother with a fresh glass, instead just topping off the one Ed had before handing it back to him.

"You look like you just lost your best friend," Mick offered. Ed had been coming to this bar for twenty years, and Mick had been the day bartender for as long as he could remember.

Ed just grunted as he took a sip of his fresh drink. Mick had no idea how right he nearly was. He wasn't one to spill his personal problems to the bartender, no matter how long they'd known each other.

"Word of advice," Mick offered. "Then I'll leave you be. If it's got you this bad, it's probably worth fighting to fix it, keep it. Whatever it is." Mick gave Ed a half smile before he picked up the bar rag and went to clean up after a customer who just vacated his spot.

Ed scrubbed one hand down his face and swirled the bourbon in his glass. He had been fighting to keep her. But he couldn't force her to fight for them, too. He couldn't help it if she was letting her fear of losing what they had become the reason they were losing what they had.

He took another drink and got really honest with himself. He thought about Mick's "advice". He didn't know how to stop loving her. Her didn't know how to stop loving Noah. He felt like he was drowning. Caught between his love for her and her sudden reticence. He didn't want to pressure her. He couldn't make her want something she was too afraid to let herself want. His mind was reeling, and the bourbon suddenly lost it's appeal.

After a few more minutes, Ed made up his mind. He slid a few bills under the glass of his unfinished drink, nodded a hasty goodbye to Mick and headed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: I have no words for what happened on the show. Well, I do have plenty of words, but that's for another medium. Here is what should have happened next, at least in my universe.

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An hour later Ed was standing in Olivia's apartment fighting one last time. He took Olivia's hands in his. He felt desperate, his mind, numb. Before he could overthink it any more, he gave her hands a firm squeeze.

"Liv," he croaked. He cleared his throat before continuing. "You know I love you. And Noah."

"Ed," she interrupted.

"Wait," he stopped her. "Let me say this."

She swallowed and gave him an almost imperceptible nod.

"I know you love me, too." He said with confidence.

She was blinking rapidly trying to hold back the threat of tears.

"I know I've been all over the place lately with changing jobs, possible retirement, us. But the one thing I'm sure about, is us. I don't care about the rest. I want to be with you if you want to work until your 90. I want to be with you if you want to quit tomorrow. I want to be the one who's with you, no matter what."

Olivia was speechless.

"Olivia, I want to ask you to marry me, someday." Before she could respond he quickly continued. "I don't want to pressure you. I won't. I just want you to know that's what I see in our future."

"Ed," she gasped.

"I know it hasn't been the easiest journey," he said.

"Ed," she kept repeating his name. Like a mantra.

"There's no one else I'd rather…" Ed said. He was desperately trying to figure out what else to say. "Liv, I'm scared, too. But you're worth it. We're worth it."

He watched the tears that were now freely falling down her face. She stopped saying his name. She said nothing at all.

"Liv?" He needed her to react in some way. Turn away, slap him, kiss him. Something. "Please tell me you think we're worth it, too?"

When a few beats passed without a response from her at all, he took that as a no. He bowed his head as he let go of her hands. As he put a little more space between them, he slowly raised his eyes to hers, but his head remained slightly turned down in defeat. He didn't know what he saw in her expression, but her silent tears were speaking volumes.

She still hadn't said anything. He kissed her forehead before turning to leave. When he got to the door and grabbed his jacket, he could almost feel his heart literally crack. He couldn't believe she was just going to let him walk out the door.

"Ed, wait…" She finally broke the silence as he was reaching for the doorknob.

He froze, his hand hovering just over the doorknob.

"Wait," she repeated. "Please, don't go." Her voice had taken on that breathy quality it got when she was struggling to speak through her feelings.

He dropped his hand to his side and dared to partially turn back to look at her. His eyes were red and his nose burned from holding back his emotions.

When he didn't immediately walk back to her, she moved toward him. He could see her hands shaking. It was almost as if her whole body was a live wire.

"I do," she said softly.

He wasn't sure what she meant. She must have recognized his confusion, so she repeated herself.

"I do." Olivia's voice was becoming a little steadier. "Think we're worth it, I mean."

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a/n: Might have one more installment, or might just let this stand on its own. Let me know what you think. #Tuckson4ever


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